thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
