I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
