Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
