you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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