9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
