he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
