No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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