So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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