Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Randomize
