We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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