writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Gay?
German.
Pity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
