We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
