I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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