Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
