and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
