I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
