If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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