I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
