party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
