I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
