Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
