it was like his penis was on wheels.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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