May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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