Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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