you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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