it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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