allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
