Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
