i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
