my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
