Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
