I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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