I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
