didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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