if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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