I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
