i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
