There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
