woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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