My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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