Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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