i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
