I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
whose parrot is this?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
