i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
