dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
