"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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