A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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