i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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