some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
