I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
