Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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